Lessons from Daisy

Daisy didn't make it. She died last night, after the most valient attempt to stay alive.

I never imagined how amazingly strong the life force can be, until I witnessed this sweet little lamb, but five days old, struggling to get every last breath. It taught Daniel and me a lot.

It taught me that tenacity is relative. I saw a will to live without expectation, pretence or judgement, that I will carry with me forever. It showed me what a little love and affection can do for another creature. Love really transcends all boundaries. Daisy bonded with a human. Up until her very last breaths, you could see her try to respond to Daniel's voice. It was amazingly touching and beautiful. There was not a fragment of negativity in this little creature. She radiated love, affection, and gratitude--and I am not being anthropomorphic!

Upon her death I wished every human could possess a moment with her to learn her lessons.

Of Daniel was the most sweet and loving strength to keep her alive. He really tried. He was so sad to see her not make it, but also learned a great deal.

Our friend Pauline said to us the first time we stayed with her that she had tried so many times to rescue little lambs from their non-maternal mothers, but to no avail if they couldn't be administered the mother's milk within the first 24 hours. And so it is.

She also said there is nothing so sweet as a newborn lamb.

And so we learned a lot from sweet little Daisy. We know she knew we gave it our all.

She "slept" again last night in the claw foot tub, as we were not ready to accept she had passed. Today Daniel buried her and we shall plant daisies there.

Loving Daisy

The sheep have been busy, and most all of their kid's arrivals have been easy and well received by their mamas, save a couple instances. Daniel awoke to find a small little gal, (a ewe), alone in the corner of the sheep pen, still wet from birth. Mama didn't care to clean her, let alone feed her.

I guess it's true that some women just don't have the "motherly instinct." I can't imagine leaving such a helpless, precious little one alone to die, but indeed, that's what happens, both in the sheep pen and in the human pen. So, Daniel forced the ewe to let the little one feed, at least long enough to get the immune boosting milk produced in the first 48 hours.

Since then, she's been enjoying her bottled meals in the comfort of Daniel's home, on the couch and by the light of the fire. She sleeps contented in the claw foot tub, upon towels and blankets, and makes not a whimper, full from engorging on the vitamin rich Kefir.

Daniel calls her Daisy, and she knows only his love and affection, and she follows him everywhere!

Love knows no boundaries and is such a beautiful thing.

Dinner on the Block

On Monday, my (usual) day off, during which I always hike to the garden for my dinner, I did the same ritual, filling my basket to the brim, making it cumbersome to get home. Winter vegetables are really gratifying to me, their wholesomeness and flavor, as satisfying as meat. I loaded my basket with Savoy spinach, kale, a head of romanesco and one of cauliflower, some spring onions and a few daffodils and a single rose (the day before pruning) for my bedside vase.

Daniel moved his chickens, new laying pullets, I should say, down to the sheep pen. They are so excited to roam and graze, plucking through the dung-laden hay, for grubs. This summer they should make a great dent in the fly population, and in turn return us the favor of flavorful, fertile eggs. Old Man Red, the short-tempered and very territorial rooster who regularly pokes at Daniel's boots (and his hens), jabbing with his razor sharp daggered feet, is still a viril male and looks after his new pullets with great affection and zeal.

Daniel brought me a little basket full of eggs the other night. The eggs are small and brown. I was excited to try them, as we awaited their arrival for many months.

So, to the point of my story. The beauty of simplicity. The unique and fully satisfying experience of a meal completely sourced from within your immediate surroundings. You couldn't get it anywhere-but right here.

I sauteed some kale with ample shallot. Two farm fresh eggs went into the pan to be returned, perfectly basted. The flavor of the eggs was incredible. I doubt I've ever tasted such an egg, and I eat them from the pen, fresh-laid, regularly. Both were lubed up with Sevillano olive oil from Daniel's trees at Nickel & Nickel. I popped open a bottle brought to me during a recent visit from Alexandra, the perpetual wanderer-currently residing in Spain. Her 2004 Pinot Noir shiner was perfect for the occasion. Alone, by candlelight, I savored the simplicity of the concoction. I wondered if anyone would ever understand how intensly flavorful and satisfying my simple meal of sauteed garden greens and two basted fresh laid eggs with Dago red could be. I still wonder.

How lucky we are. Cheers to the new pullets, having arrived at the Maiden stage, and thanks to the Red Rooster for granting them more fertile flavor. Thanks to the sheep for attracting the bugs that make the eggs so flavorful. Most of all, thanks to the man who lets the birds out and puts them safely in at night, so as not to let the sneaky, hungry cats in to feast as they did earlier this year. Thanks to Alex for her raw, uninhibited and unpretentious style, exemplified in her life and her wine. And thanks to Pat for building Casa Paloma and letting me live in the safety of her womb. I have enjoyed many a dinner of this sort alone here, by the light of the wood stove glow.

Blissful Romance

Daniel never ceases to amaze me. He keeps me smiling, loving, and always challenges me to look at things in different ways. I am greatful to have such an amazing partner. Our relationship is one that is timeless and well traveled, as I imagine we have been united throughout our souls' journeys. Today, after a weekend of bliss, I can only revel in the sea of selfless love my partner bestowes upon me.

After the aforementioned trying week, I began a Saturday with a surprising shift of perspective and inertia that propelled me through to today. I cleaned out 4 1/2 years worth of computer dis-organization at work! I accomplished so much in record time that I would have never believed it possible! I had a rescheduled massage appointment from the day mentioned below. When I arrived, my therapist informed me of two lovely things: in regret for her having missed our Thursday appointment, she had a gift certificate for a half session waiting for me, and, Daniel had been there the previous day and had treated me to my appointment! Wow! I proceeded to enjoy yet another transcendental, 2 1/2 hour massage. Fabulous.

When I left, I stumbled upon a message left on my cell phone. My sweet love had informed me that no matter how I felt, how I looked, or what I had planned, I should drop it all and meet him at Auberge, our regular "neighborhood bar and grill," Relais~Chateau style. And so I did. With a pleasantly radiant greasy face and body, and in my jumpsuit, I applied a little MAC liner and lips and sauntered through the bar to meet him at the deck. A beautiful night it was, stars out, twinkling in the oddly warm January splendor. Always reading my mind, a half bottle of bubbly was being cradled in the bucket alongside the table. Nicolas Feiullatte, a special selection of which I cannot reiterate, was poured into my glass. Its noble and yeasty bouquet met with the pre-orderd oysters on the half shell and tuna tartare with a splendid affinity. Sneaky, sneaky, man!

He toted with him a bottle procured on our recent trip to Oregon; a 2006 Archery Summit Premier Cuvee. To show it in its best light, we ordered our favorite gnocchi with wild mushrooms and parmesan nage. Next was delivered a new york steak with more mushrooms and thinly chiffonaded brussels sprouts. Perfect.

Off we went. It was still early. Any thought of going home to collect my "necessities" rolled away with the previous week's tribulations, and we entered his house to continue enjoying one another's company. We opened a fun, unassuming standby, Graham's Six Grapes, and he played for me some old Enigma while we took a hot tub. I'll allow you to surmise your own conclusions for the rest of the evening!

The morning greeted us with equal enthusiasm, and we headed right back to the Auberge to enjoy an unseasonable warm Sunday morning on the very same deck. With another bottle of Feuillatte, a glass of Billicart-Salmon, the day was already off to an amazing start. He read the paper,and my mind traveled in its usual, deeply inquisitive ways.

We opted for a four wheeler ride, and I continued drinking champagne as I read The Mists of Avalon on his sun filled deck.

Later, I made braised Chicken with mushrooms and homemade fettucini. We enjoyed a bottle of Dave's wine, a 2004 Craven Lattin Sonoma Coast Pinot Noir. Yum.

Tonight I made a good ol' standby with left over braised pork shoulder...split pea soup with generous chunks of full moon butchered estate pork.

This morning I came home to a magnificent holiday of spring welcome. And, in a decision to start a blog to which Daniel does not have to feel responsible, I created a new blog. For those who enjoy my crazy rantings, you may access it at the link provided...

Bon Soir!

Contemplating Compassion

Over the course of two weeks, there have been 8 additions to the homestead at Daniel's. One of which, a sure stud, Daniel delivered himself! Markedly different from the other lambs, this little guy's legs are abnormally large for his body. He is very agile and momma likes to be very protective of him. I guess that's how mother's are, especially when they know they have a future stud on their hands! Daniel says he sucks the tip of his nose. So cute! Now, of course, the moonchild has even more need to stay home and not have to venture up the narrow dirt road to Venus' house. That little caniver...

Animal activity is no less apparent here. If it isn't the local raccoon gang waking me up at 4:30-6:00 in the morning, making their pilgrimage from the north end of the house to the east, then it's the ballsy bobcat, using my roof as a playground, leaping from the ground, to the trees, and back on to the roof again.

It occured to me today, though, that although the animals' timing is annoying, their intentions are not maligned. Humans, you'd think, with their "consciousness," would be able to rise above their personal microcosms to the collective, and therefore bring forethought and compassion to their actions. I know, the optomist in me is forever put to the test.

After a couple days of feeling under the weather due to some medical difficulties lately, I embarked to the lab to get some tests. After waiting two and a half hours for the doctor's office to call me back with regard to the lab scrip, with no response, I set out anyway. Of course, it was noon by then and I had been fasting for the bloodwork.

Later, I came to a four way stop on a sleepy afternoon in St. Helena. As a truck passed through the intersection, I went to make my right hand turn. A lady from the opposite lane was already half way into her left hand turn. I smiled in concession, but was too far ahead of her to offer her the lane. Her unkind and aggravated face made her mood quite clear. I thought how awful for her to have her face in such a grimace. So, regardless of who was in the right or wrong, I mouthed an "I'm sorry." As I then missed my immediate right hand turn into the hardware store's parking lot, I put my right hand blinker on to turn around. As I slowed, I realized there was room to make a u-turn. So, I changed the blinker to the left one, and proceeded to begin in the other direction. Unbeknownst to me, the lady with the grimace had gone to illegally pass me on the left. Imagine her face after I went to turn left! This time I looked at her with the thoughts that were in my head, on my face, wondering why her driving had to be so presumptious and rash.

She took the time to stop, in the lane of oncoming traffic nonetheless, and tell me that I almost caused two accidents. Feeling both perplexed at her audaciousness and repelled by her obviously frequent grimace, I only wanted her out of my presence. All I said to her was, "I apoligized to you already. What more would you like from me?" As she sped off in her BMW, obviously unaware of her part to play in the near misses, I was saddened by what I see frequently in peoples' unkindness and self -absorbed behavior.

I think of it often when I see young people fail to heed to an elderly person, or offer them help. I think of it when I see young men sit while a pregnant lady stands. I think of it as I approach someone in a grocery store, and rather than connect with one another and smile, the person looks down and acts as if we are not two human beings crossing paths. All day, everyday, there are many examples.

So, I later fled back up the hill, eager to get back to the minor annoyances of the local raccoon gang, or the rogue bobcat, perhaps the infrequent but occasional homily opossom. At least their irreverence for my human sleep schedule is unintentional.

I see there's a trout following us now! I like the free-spirited trout. We don't see him as often as we'd like. Maybe we should go fishing soon.

Every day, I make it a point to be compassionate. It is part of my daily mantra. I try to understand that we are all on a path, and that it is important to be respectful and even helpful of that path, whether a stranger or not. I try to smile, in hope that a moment of positivity can come of a split second. Every day I am put to the test.

Now I think I'll head down to my "other" home in the hills, where the moonchild may have a consoling glass of wine and an open ear, not to mention a beautiful presence. He's good like that.

Full Moon Feast and Fever

The full moon on Saturday was well thought out, with a visit from Lisa from Mendocino and several hand chosen ladies. The order of the evening was to relish each other's female energy at the height of the full moon in Cancer. The house was cozy with a fire crackling, candles were lit and I began with a Patchouli and Musk bubblebath to soak off my day of work.

Lisa and I spent the time before everyone else's arrival catching up. The first bottle of bubbly was opened, a gift from my boss. I opened it with the intention to toast positive energy between us. Given my enjoyment of the light golden elixer, I deduced my desire would be fulfilled. The J 20, so named to commemorate their 20th year of making sparkling wine, was to me, a success.

The other ladies arrived, bearing their sweet spirits and special bottles to share. We proceeded to chatter the night away, and in the meantime afforded ourselves dinner and an incredible midnight moonlit hike. Dinner was simple, but fitting and as filling as a lady would like. Red wine braised ranch turkey leg with a ragout of butternut squash gnocchi, roasted chestnuts, garden kale, baby shitakes and cippolini onions was the entree. A fresh picked garden salad was there to brighten things up a bit. Of course, before that even transpired, we had some incredible cheeses. Local Andante Dairy Quattro Staggione, leaking all over the place with its gooey goodness, Humboldt Fog, Epoisses, Comte, and the ringer-James' truffle brie (again-we can't get enough of this stuff-when in season!). Along with some smoked salmon deviled eggs, these were the precursors to our meal. I made Calendula panna cotta with walnut cookies and muscat syrup for dessert. We finished the night over copious pots of osmanthus oolong and wildflower honey with ginger thins. Those not slumbering at my home had left. With Kimberly long since passed on the couch, in her pink jammies and flannel sheets, and Lisa in the chair, I puttered away in the kitchen so as to awake with a sence of order and cleanliness. And so it was. At 2:00am I turned off my light and snoozed until 9:00.

Over a pot of black tea, Lisa and I said our farewell, and the unseasonably warm day beckoned me to hike with my yoga bag to the Rim of the World. And so it went, a coupel hours of beautiful outdoor yoga in weather seeming of summer. Although nice, it's a bit scary as we all need rain. The animals, birds and plants are confused, as are we. The biological clock is off, and I'm not sure what will transpire. For now, I'll enjoy the sunshine and water my plants. My Hunter mucks sit in the closet, covered in dust. I should have bought the cheapies.

I proceeded to Daniel's where we enjoyed the rest of the night in comfortable, simple luxury, with the remnants of some incredible bottles and flavorful nibbles. The wine list from the evening follows.

J Winery Cuvee "20"
2001 Iron Horse Brut
1996 Iron Horse Late Disgorged Blanc de Blanc (our special ladies' bottle. mmmmm...)
1990 Mumm DVX
Andre et Mireille Tissot Cremant du Jura
2002 Chateau Loudenne Bordeaux Blanc
2004 Jean Marc Brocard , Montee de Tonnerre Premier Cru Chablis
2002 Kelly Magee Meritage, Napa Valley
2004 Kuleto Estate Cab Franc

A New Year's Week at Casa Paloma

What a crazed, lovely week transpired between Christmas and the New Year. I considered December 26th to be the start of the New Year, because that is when the new energy began for me. Out with the old, in with the new. Remember, the hiking 'til my epiphany came? (along with the sore knees and back!) All was wired for the next few days after that. I could hardly sleep for the next two days, as intensely good and positive thoughts came streaming in.

New Year's Eve was spent at Casa Paloma. David (my sous chef) and his gal, Flip, and their new 7-week old German Shepherd pooch named Ace (David is an avid poker player) came over. Weezie, my old roomie and dear friend, came from Healdsburg as well, with J rose bubbles and brie in tow. David made his grandma's recipe three cheese ravioli and meatballs for dinner, using the tomato sauce we made from up here at the ranch. I made a salad of greens from the garden. A perfect contrast. The night ended early, as we settled into bed at just before midnight. The fog had already set in.

New Years Day was nice. We always plan a hike, but we ended up staying in for the morning. The thick fog that set in the night before still lingered, so we cozied by the fire with cappuccinos. Weezie and I jumped into a quick cleaning project (I always rope her into a "project"!). I then began to prep the evening's dinner, as we were to have a second set of guests that night. Everyone left, and I nested in the kitchen, getting everything together as the opera played softly and the fire rolled gently. Looking out the window, I couldn't even see the slope across the canyon! I felt completely hidden from the world, and it was nice. With no one around, I opted to steal a mid-day bubblebath! I soaked in the claw foot tub laden with generous rose scented bubbles. Then, I geared up for my New Year's Day hike. Daniel bailed on the idea, so I clammered over to his house with a big cup of Nettle and Dandelion tea. Going through the vineyards with visibility of only 10 feet or so was so eerily cozy. The cool moist air was invigorating. It was a perfect hike. When I arrived to Daniel's, he informed me there had been a mix-up of plans, and we were solo that night. So-we ended up at the Villa for dinner. It was nice.

The next day came. In preparation for a grand scale celebration dinner the next night at the Villa, we aptly named "Duck, Duck, Goose," I spent the day in my winery kitchen abuzz with activity. From 9:00 until 7:45 I hustled and bustled to get as much done as possible, for the following day would prove short with such a detailed menu. Upon arrival home, I jumped in the tub again, only this time with a glass of Champagne, to rearrange my mind from prep to dinner guests. Luckily, everything was ready from the day before, so I only had to fire up the oven! Rich and Kara arrived, bringing some stunning wines. The heaviness of my day's burdens left me as we lulled into a great meal with some great conversation. We had foie gras mousse and Epoisses for appetizers with rose Bubbles generously left by Weezie. Then, we had a bottle of 2005 Vacheron Sancerre "Les Romains" with our salad. Of course, we toasted our good friend who makes that wine, Jean-Laurent Vacheron, and hoped life is well for him all the way over in the Loire. For dinner, a seared rare hangar steak with carmelized brussels, James' foraged matsutakes, and a cauliflower gratin, made with black truffle brie, and a smattering of fresh shaved Perigord truffles was enjoyed with a bottle from Rich's dad cellar-a 1990 Chateau de la Tour, Clos-Vougeot. If that wasn't enough, we finished with a bottle of Ice wine from Washington, Kiona. The boys built a fire outside to smoke their cigars, and we girls made tea and I showed off some recent food shots on the computer. We ended the lovely evening at 1:45am, and my alarm was to come early-6:00am.

The day ahead of me was a bit daunting-and I already knew it would be long. The excitment of the menu was the light that kept me going. Guests were to arrive to the Villa at dusk. The guest list was lovely-some of Pat's closest friends, and people I have known for years. The menu is to follow-you'll see that Perigord Truffles are a main focus!

Appetizers

Duck Confit Pizza with Truffle Bechamel, Quail Eggs and Arugula, Shaved Black Truffles

Roasted French Fingerling Potatoes with Bellwether Farms Creme Fraiche and Smoked Trout

Housemade Pork Rillettes

Two local cheeses: Andante Dairy Quattro Staggione and Humbolt Fog

First Course

Wild (shot by Pat) Duck Breat, Served Rare, atop a Risotto of Black Trumpet Mushrooms and Black Truffles (of course!)(the risotto was made with roasted duck stock, of course!)

2004 Kuleto Estate Pinot Noir

A Bounty of Wines made by Brian (Pat's good friend)

Second Course

A Cleansing Garden Salad of Bitter Greens, Pickled Devil's Blood Beets, Cara Cara Orange Segments and Bucheron, with a Citrus Vinaigrette

Third Course

Seared Rare Goose Breast atop Garden Tuscan Kale, Turnip and Potato Gratin, Foraged Chanterelles, and a Boudin of Goose Leg, Pork, and Coriander, and an intense Roasted Goose Reduction, (and more truffles!)

2004 Danielli

1989 Chateau Montelena Cabernet Sauvignon (brought by Bo and Heidi Barrett)

Dessert

Cinnamon Buttermilk Panna Cotta with Muscat Calendula Syrup, Preserved Ranch White Peaches and Walnut Cookies

Muscat Love

By the end of the night, I was feeling the pain. I looked forward to the next couple days off, but to my despair I awoke the next day to more pain and torture. Alas, I am getting too old for 18 hour days. I spent the day in bed, nursing my muscle aches. My sweet Daniel came to the rescue with the massage table. He arrived at dark (when I could finally open my eyes), drew me a bath, made me some tea, and massaged me for two hours. Then, he warmed me some turkey noodle soup (from the freezer-where I always have a stash for moments just like this!). I went back to bed and slept 'til 10:00 this morning.

Now, I sit here, sipping some tea, still in my robe. It's noon. Maybe I'll take a walk in the rain. Maybe I'll go to town for a meal.

Now, begins mine and Daniel's three month cleanse. No wine during the week. The meals will be lots of greens, veggies, and fruit in the mornings. Less meat, more fish. I usually cleanse in October for a month, but this year did not feel the timing was right. Now, with all of this great energy for the new, it seems right. Cleansing is good and feels great. It is a welcome and refreshing change. We'll still enjoy our bubbles and cheeses on Sundays...Maybe I'll have mroe time to post the Oregon trip!

I was thinking the other day, as I prepped that dinner, what an interesting person it takes to be a chef. All those countless hours, spent laboring away, with no one to know the intense effort, on a work of art that is to be consumed within a few hours. It's a curious phenomenon.

I wouldn't trade it for the world.